Stick with the Weather Channel, people.

Welcome one and all to the first of a series of posts on this new blog, Fire and Ice, commentating on the stranger happenings in our world today. Why, you ask? Well, given I had no big news to report on in my other blog, I figured I was just as capable as those talking heads on CNN when it came to commentary, and so, here I am!

Now, first of all, the name- just a tad more artsy than usual. Robert Frost once wrote a poem pondering whether the world would end in fire or ice, concluding that both would ultimately get the job done. I say we go beyond that! Lets pick one and be down with it! (see new poll)

So here goes nothing!

ARTICLE OF THE WEEK: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/12/24/ap/strange/main3644610.shtml

Now, once you've read that, just sit back and absorb it a moment. I think we can all answer the question of whether or not this man is certifiably insane (i.e.-yes!)

But lets think for a moment here. Something is awry with this guy. Delving deeper...

1. Okay, so he's obviously gathering pig spleens. People give him pig spleens. He's got muchos pigos spleenos.
2. He's Ukranian. More on that later.
3. He is certain that his method of fortune-telling via the ungulate stomach organ is entirely accurate.
4. What is this guy planning?

I have a five-step thought process for analyzing these kinds of scenarios.

1. WIKIPEDIA!
Because it works. I trust it. Say what you will.
2. YOUTUBE!
Other than the vids with the really bad teenage singers, yeah, tube it.
3. CONSULT A STATIONARY OBJECT!
This is more to exercise my own judgement than to rely upon that of a paperweight.
4. IT'S HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL'S FAULT!
Led by Hannah Montana, a female Mussolini of sorts, this phenomenon is freewheeling toward world domination. Yes, this means the Jonas Brothers too.
5. RESORT TO CONSPIRACY!
What doesn't end in conspiracy, after all?

Okay, lets get this party started now!!

1. It says here that pork is one of the mainstays in Ukranian food. Also, the spleen represents various emotions. But lets focus on two things here. PIGS and UKRAINE.
2. Go on youtube and search "Ukraine Pig". What you will find (along with the videos adjacent it) is *shudder* way too nasty to view, so don't- just try to get the general idea. Ukraine=threat to the existence of pigs. End of story.
3. Oh mouse pad. You are so wise and noble. Now, doesn't it seem like Ukraine is out to destroy the pig population, thereby depriving humankind of it's most endearing and delicious porker pals? Yeah, it looks that way, doesn't it? Nice talking with you.
4. Back to youtube. Now, if you watch the video below, you will notice on thing- NO ONE IS EATING!!!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=3fb0pYkqnCM
And why? BECAUSE HSM IS TRYING TO CONVINCE AMERICA'S YOUTH TO AVOID CONSUMING ANYTHING!! And what do people consuming on a daily basis? PORK!!!
5. Here's the bottom line. The Paul McCartney look-alike-sound-alike that replaced the real Paul when he perished in a car crash in December 1966. (search "paul is dead" on youtube, people.)This imposter is now working with Ukranian officials to wipe out the pig population, via the implements of Disney Channel's power over the American youth and it's own dirty deeds on home turf. But for a legion of oblvious adults, Al Gore, also a part of this sinsiter scheme, will begin claiming pigs are contributing too heavily toward global warming with their methane output! An inconvenient truth? I THINK NOT!!!
Worse still, once Wilbur's dead and gone, what's next? Cows? Sheep? Dogs? Cats? US????
Our doom is at hand, and it's going to start with the pigs.
Act now, while you still can, true believer. Excelsior!!!

(yes, i know i copied Stan Lee-it's a good line!)

And until next time.....
THE COMMENTATOR!!!!